"We all have the potential to fall in love a thousand times in our lifetime. It's easy. The first girl I ever loved was someone I knew in sixth grade. Her name was Missy; we talked about horses. The last girl I love will be someone I haven't even met yet, probably. They all count. But there are certain people you love who do something else; they define how you classify what love is supposed to feel like. These are the most important people in your life, and you'll meet maybe four or five of these people over the span of 80 years. But there's still one more tier to all this; there is always one person who you love who becomes that definition. It usually happens retrospectively, but it always happens eventually. This is the person who unknowingly sets the template for what you will always love about other people, even if some of those lovable qualities are self-destructive and unreasonable. You will remember having conversations with this person that never actually happened. You will recall sexual trysts with this person that never technically occurred. This is because the individual who embodies your personal definition of love does not really exist. The person is real, and the feelings are real--but you create the context. And context is everything. The person who defines your understanding of love is not inherently different than anyone else, and they're often just the person you happen to meet the first time you really, really want to love someone. But that person still wins. They win, and you lose. Because for the rest of your life, they will control how you feel about everyone else. " - Chuck Klosterman

I love when things happen at the exact right moment when it will impact you the most. This goes for anything.. reading, listening to music, running into someone, someone saying something to you that catches you completely off guard but leaves a lasting impression, or as Marisa experienced today, a great compliment. This is a poem I just read online. You might know The Invitation, which was her more popular book and is hanging up in my cubicle thanks to Whitney. But this is her other, lesser known poem and I wanted to share it. I even accentuated my favorite parts! Enjoy :-)

The Dance,
by Oriah Mountain Dreamer

I have sent you my invitation,
the note inscribed on the palm of my hand by the fire of living.
Don’t jump up and shout, “Yes, this is what I want! Let’s do it!”
Just stand up quietly and dance with me.

Show me how you follow your deepest desires,
spiraling down into the ache within the ache,
and I will show you how I reach inward and open outward
to feel the kiss of the Mystery, sweet lips on my own, every day.

Don’t tell me you want to hold the whole world in your heart.
Show me how you turn away from making another wrong
without abandoning yourself when you are hurt and afraid of being unloved.

Tell me a story of who you are,
and see who I am in the stories I live.
And together we will remember that each of us always has a choice.

Don’t tell me how wonderful things will be . . . some day.
Show me you can risk being completely at peace,
truly okay with the way things are right now in this moment,
and again in the next and the next and the next. . .

I have heard enough warrior stories of heroic daring.
Tell me how you crumble when you hit the wall,
the place you cannot go beyond by the strength of your own will.
What carries you to the other side of that wall, to the fragile beauty of your own humanness?

And after we have shown each other how we have set and kept the clear,
healthy boundaries that help us live side by side with each other,
let us risk remembering that we never stop silently loving those we once loved out loud.

Take me to the places on the earth that teach you how to dance,
the places where you can risk letting the world break your heart.
And I will take you to the places where the earth beneath my feet and the stars overhead make my heart whole again and again.

Show me how you take care of business
without letting business determine who you are.
When the children are fed but still the voices within and around us shout that soul’s desires have too high a price,
let us remind each other that it is never about the money.

Show me how you offer to your people and the world the stories and the songs
you want our children’s children to remember.
And I will show you how I struggle not to change the world,
but to love it.

Sit beside me in long moments of shared solitude,
knowing both our absolute aloneness and our undeniable belonging.
Dance with me in the silence and in the sound of small daily words,
holding neither against me at the end of the day.

And when the sound of all the declarations of our sincerest
intentions has died away on the wind,
dance with me in the infinite pause before the next great inhale
of the breath that is breathing us all into being,
not filling the emptiness from the outside or from within.

Don’t say, “Yes!”
Just take my hand and dance with me.

Thoughts of the day: Feelings. How can a person affect the way you feel? Shouldn't you be the only one in control of that? How can you go from not caring at all to caring too much? How can you be sad when there is generally nothing going wrong, and actually, everything seems to be going your way? How can you be happy when you know you aren't going to get what you want? How can you feel guilty when you didn't do anything wrong? How can you be all of these things at the same time? And how can a couple of hours change your entire view on a subject, on a person, on life? How can you be so adamant about something and with a flick of a switch, it just suddenly doesn't matter anymore. Like knowing all of the reasons you were mad but just not caring anymore. And not in the apathetic way... just letting it go. And not in the zen way... just.... it just doesn't matter. Because when it comes down to it, we're all here together, we're all part of the same thing, and aren't we all working towards the same goal? Why do we make it so difficult for each other, for ourselves? It seems like a big waste of time. Worrying is a waste of time. No matter how many times you picture something happening, it almost always turns out differently. Why do we spend so much time hypothesizing when we could just not worry about it and deal with it when it comes. This is a lesson I have to teach myself. Easier said then done.

“Don’t bother trying to explain your emotions. Live everything as intensely as you can... The best way to destroy the bridge between the visible and invisible is by trying to explain your emotions.” - Paulo Coelho, Brida

Thought that always blows my mind, especially on a day like today:

“Because they are so long lived, atoms really get around. Every atom you possess has almost certainly passed through several stars and been part of millions of organisms on its way to becoming you. We are each so atomically numerous and so vigorously recycled at death that a significant number of our atoms – up to a billion for each of us, it has been suggested – probably once belonged to Shakespeare." - Bill Bryson

Paulo Coelho's book Brida talks about this a little bit, and I can't find the quotes anywhere online. But if this is true, and I believe it is, we really are all connected. Perhaps some of us more then others. I think that is why we draw certain people into our lives at certain times. Also why we loose them. Maybe we lost the atoms that were keeping us together in the first place. Outlandish? I think it's as simple and as complicated as that.

Thanks to my great co-worker Lisa, for finding things to watch on a Friday in the summer when no one is actually in the office except for us. This is mesmorizing, and this song is beautiful.

Completely in love with Boston. Despite the fact that I make some questionable decisions, I love living in this city. Even when you have to walk two miles in the rain to get to the bar and you are soaking wet when you get there. Even when you can't find your umbrella, loose people on the way home, and get into arguements with unnecessarily-rude cab drivers. This is because my friends are completely amazing, and no matter what happens (I stressed myself out this week for no reason at all) they are always there for me. We're all pretty lucky.

Last weekend we went to the beach in Revere. It was my first time going to the beach in Mass, and I've always been nervous since I'm kind of a beach snob (I'm a local.) and I've heard a lot of negative things about it, but it actually wasn't too bad. Jersey is obviously better, but it'll do. Now that a lot of my friends have cars we are planning all sorts of weekend trips, so I'm looking forward to seeing more of the city then I have before. This apparently isn't hard, since it seems I've never ventured out too far. I've got a list of things to look forward to!

That night we went out to the bars in Southie. It was nice to be in a different area, new bars, new people. Of course Michelle was by my side, but we went out with a few new people, and some old friends met up with us too. It was a nice group and we had a really good time. Southie isn't as bad as it's cracked up to be (although I wouldn't walk around there alone...)

The next day (Sunday) was absolutely beautiful and Michelle and I layed out by the Charles. Right under the Mass Ave bridge there is a little dock that I never even knew existed, and we had a nice time talking about ridiculous things and getting sunburnt. Then we had dinner at a new Thai place we found on our walk there, and it was the best Pad Thai I've had in America. Michelle's fried-rice looked so good I had to take a picture of it.

This week was full of fun, too! Spriko and I went to Petco and saw the CUTEST puppy Husky, and started talking about getting a dog in the fall. It's still questionable but it is something we are all talking about. The worst thing would be who would get it when we all split up, and I don't think my idea of the four of us living together forever was something I was serious about. Either way, I'm really excited to move in with some of my best friends, live on the Hill for the first time, and although I'm not totally excited about sharing a bathroom with three boys, the kitchen looks awesome and I'm really excited to finally settle down in a place.

Michelle and I (and various friends) spent a night at Conors, and a night at Pour House/ Whisky's which was a nice time. It's nice to casually just go out after work and see people during the week. We embarrassingly polished off a huge batch of nachos both nights, and we are a little disgusted with ourselves. But I will still stand strong on my claim that that Pour House has the best nachos EVER.

Tonight we are having a girls-night-in, and I'm really looking forward to it. Then in the morning Marg, Michelle and I are visiting Joanna in Nantucket, to make it a full, well deserved girls-only weekend. I went to the Cape once last summer but I've never been to the islands, so I'm looking forward to it! Jo has been co-oping there so it will be nice to spend some time with her. I'll give you an update next week! In the meantime, there are a lot of things that are blowing my mind this week.

1) Sandcastles. When we went to Revere beach they were having a competition and it completely blew my mind. We read that they actually use sand brought in from somewhere else (I think New Hampshire?) And then they use some sort of special glue-spray.. but still, these are amazing. My favorites:

2) Good photography. I assume a lot of it has to do with being in the right place at the right time, but pictures like this are incredible. The picture with the lightning storm is ridiculous, and I LOVE the one with the elephant.

3) Human Art. I couldn't even think about something like this, let alone make it work. I admire people who use their creativity to its fullest extent. Admire and envy. The last picture (on the stairs) completely blows my mind.

4) I just love this.

5) We all know how thinking about the universe is my number one mind-blowing event... but these pictures are just beautiful. The longest Solar Eclipse of the Century.

Last but not least (I hope this all kept you occupied!!) Quote of the day:

“I looked at the menu, then I looked at my wife. The one thing about her that I always loved was that she was never one of those people who thinks that someone else is the answer to their happiness. Me or anybody else. She’s always had her own built-in happiness.” - Bob Dylan

Quote of the day:

My mom tells me, "When you were a kid, you were so laid back and happy that we were worried you might be retarded."- Ben Casnocha

I don't know who still reads this, but here I am!! I'm officially back living in Boston (on my friends couch, but I'm here nonetheless!) I started working at Northeastern University and I'm already loving it. I use to work in this office (Student Affairs) as an undergrad, but now I'm on salary (EEEK!) and have real responsibilities that I'm not ready for, but I love it. And today I got my first paycheck! Which is probably why I am in such a good mood. Since I'll be sitting on the computer so often with an ample amount of free time, I'll probably start writing again. I can't promise it will be as interesting as it was when I was in 'Nam, but it will be a little view into my Boston life. Just a little. There are some things I just can't repeat.

My first week and a half back has been incredibly eventful. I love walking everywhere, just roaming around Boston, or stopping at a friends place.. it's good to be back. I'll feel more comfortable once I get a place of my own, but my amazing friend Cait has been letting me stay at her place so I'm incredibly lucky. Friday night I had a good old fashioned night out in Boston that involved so much dancing my legs hurt the next day... and I loved every minute of it. Sunday I went to see the new Woody Allen movie, Whatever Works. It was ridiculous, but I loved it. I loved the whole premise of it. You know when you watch a movie (or read a book) that is just perfect for your life at the time? I think that's why I liked to so much. Anyway, then I went to a Vietnamese resturaunt for dinner. It was sub-par. I've yet to been happy with Vietnamese food in America, but I'm going to keep trying.

Yesterday we got together for Tibaudo's birthday for some taco's and cake ala Marg, which was delicious. Then we went out for Whitney's last night. If you don't know Whitney, she was my first friend at Northeastern. (I knew Marg first, but we got off to a rough start...) Through Whitney I met every single one of my friends and I'm pretty sure I don't know what I would have done without her. We lived together, worked together, had classes together, went to Stockton together (WOO!) didn't go to the gym together, ate way too much food together (an entire bag of chedder pretzels in a single cab ride! how did we do it?!) and at times had a little to much to drink together. I'm really sad she's leaving Boston. On the upside, the reason she is leaving is to teach english in Chile! I'm so so excited for her and her new adventure, and I know she's going to be amazing. Since she came to visit me in Vietnam, I pretty much have to visit her in South America.. so although I cried a lot at the bar last night saying goodbye, I do have something awesome to look forward to. I wish her the best of luck, and I'm sure she'll be keeping a blog that I'll have a link to if you're interested!

Today I had lunch with a friend of a friend who is Vietnamese- American and is intersted in Teachers for Vietnam and maybe going next year. It was nice to be able to talk about it again and get him excited to go. He's not sure if he's going to go through with it yet but he really wants to, and of course with an advocate like me, I'm sure he'll be convinced soon. I enjoyed reminiscing about the good and the bad, I want to find a way to keep all of my memories fresh.

Things that are blowing my mind today:

1)Pictures of the universe. It makes me feel so incredibly small.

The view from the Apollo 11 Command and Service Module (CSM) "Columbia" shows the Earth rising above the Moon's horizon on July 20th, 1969. The lunar terrain pictured is in the area of Smyth's Sea on the nearside. (NASA)

2) This kid. He is 12 years old!!