Balance.

New picture in Sapa during sunset..

I've officially made it through my first terrible bout of homesickness. I knew that I would get a little homesick while being sick, but this was truly a terrible experience. I literally wanted to go home. Luckily everyone took good care of me, and although the homesickness lasted longer then being sick, i finally made it over that hurdle. Not an easy feat. I'm thankful for having the internet to keep in touch with people, but I can't decide if it's a blessing or a curse. It's nice to reminisce but now I'm onto the next chapter and living in the past will get me anywhere. Trying to find a balance between keeping in touch and living vicariously through Michelle. 

I've done a fairly good job of catching up with all of my classes, even though being sick put me a lot further back then just vacation. I've really enjoyed spending more time with my students outside of the classroom. Last week I played football (soccer). It is sort of like intramurals from what I can tell. I realized that soccer is the only sport I've never actually played. And although I didn't suck, I did not really contribute to the team. But we did win, and I was invited to play again this week. It was a lot fun. A student I didn't know kept shouting "pass it to Samantha, pass it to Samantha!" and sometimes it wasn't even our ball. Other times he was shouting "make a goal Samantha, make a goal!" when I didn't even have the ball! I'd have to say the best moment was when the ball came flying at my head and I ducked, and everyone giggled. One of my students said (and in the nicest way possible) "You know, you should hit the ball with your head when that happens." To which I replied, "I'm scared!" Which was then followed by more giggles. Whether I was good or bad, I know they enjoyed laughing at me, which is all I can ask for. I did have a great time though, and it looks like I'll be playing again this Sunday. I've also gotten together multiple times to play badminton with my students. Sometimes we'll just play in front of my house for fun. But on Thursday my students took me to an actual court and it turns out I'm not too bad. I had a throwback of Mrs. Gross (WHS anyone?) and silently thanked her for being a terrifying teacher. Anyway, I had a lot of fun. Besides playing in what felt like a sauna, I had a great time and might be doing that once a week also. Later in the night the "professionals" came to practice and I was literally scared. They were all older men and they were good. I've never seen badminton played so seriously before. I said to one of my students "I think I'm going to start practicing, I could be that good." and she responded with (very bluntly) "Maybe in three years." So maybe I won't be the best badminton or football player, but at least I'm doing something active, it definitely makes me feel better to get out and do something. Other daily activities include coffee or food with students (or An.) That pretty much sums up my life here. Coffee, food, and now sports. Oh and teaching. Lets not forget that I'm a teacher! I was talking to Alice today about how we sometimes find ourselves giving tests, or grading, or giving instructions and we think "Wow listen to me, I'm actually a teacher." I've definitely had a lot of those moments recently. But the semester is over in four weeks! I can't believe how quickly everything is happening. Time flies when you're having fun huh? Or when you are on you're death bed for a week. I feel like I was gone forever, and all of the sudden the semester is over. Somehow I'm keeping up with everything though, so there's generally nothing to complain about. 

I think I have taken a hiatus from teaching at the private school. At first it was great because I was making really good money, but then I was teaching 14 classes a week and starting to have nervous breakdowns. Then I got sick, then went on vacation, then got really sick. When I got back to teaching again I realized that it really stresses me out teaching there. I told them that I am making CTU and my students my priority and teaching four extra classes a week is not a good idea for me. I'm here to volunteer, and while I know that being a foreigner looks good for their school, I felt like I was only doing it for the money, and thats not what I want to do. Someone once told me never to work for money. It was more longwinded and in depth then I can explain, but it meant a lot to me. I don't want to live from paycheck to paycheck you know? And I know I'm in a special situation, but I don't want to get in that mindset. Maybe next semester I'll be able to look at it in a different light and can teach a few classes there again. But I need to find a balance between making people happy and making myself happy. I feel guilty, but I feel like I was tricked into teaching four/five extra classes a week and only said yes because I felt like I had to. No more of that.

I've also decided to not worry about being a "foreigner." There are a lot of things I do, wear, say, etc., on a daily basis that are not natural, but it is what is expected. Then I realized, I get stared at ALL the time, and no matter what I do or how long I live here, I will still be one of the only white people and still be stared at. So what's the harm of doing something that makes me happy or comfortable. They are going to stare anyway. The other day my student picked me up for class and I was wearing a skirt (covering my knees, of course, I don't mean doing something disrespectful.) And I hopped on the back of her motorbike, as usual. When we started to drive she said (very politely) "You know, when most women wear skirts the sit with their legs on the side of the bike." (IE - they do not straddle the bike) I have seen this, but it looks scary to sit like that, and my response was "Oh well, I thought it would be okay because my skirt is long and it's still covering my knees, right?" And she said "Yeah, it's fine because you're a foreigner." Point and case. 

So besides the sick/homesickness fall back I'm generally still doing really well. I get up at 7am to watch the red sox win, and to tell the truth, I snuck out of class a little early to see game 5, and I don't feel bad about it at all. I caught the last two innings, which was apparently all I needed to see. So keep your fingers crossed!! (I can't do that here, it means something different, and not nice.)

I'm looking forward to a day off tomorrow, hopefully I will keep myself busy because otherwise my head goes straight to Boston and all of the other places I could be. I don't really have anything good to leave you with, which is strange. But I do have an e-mail from one of my students at the private school. I wanted to share it with you all so you have a better idea of what I deal with/ how the students are. I taught this girl for the first time this week, and I'm having coffee with her tomorrow.

Hello Samantha. You teach my class. Do you remember? I impress you very much. You are beautyful and smile very nice. Hiii. I like to look your smile. That's the truth. Do you have free in Saturday night in this weekend? I want to invite you go to coffee shop with me and my friend. Are you okay? If you okay, we will pick you up. I hope you okay. Bye. See you on Saturday night. Goodnight Sam.

So sweet, I really do love them .